Feeling like a paranoid mama tonight.
I have absolutely no reason at all to believe that anything bad might happen, however I just can't shake this feeling that something will go wrong. I get this feeling often and I know that it is completely unjustified. Nothing bad has ever happened. So why can't I get rid of it?
There are often nights that I hardly sleep. When I do sleep, I wake up often to check on Tristan, check the locks on the doors, make sure windows are all closed and secure, the oven is off, everything that shouldn't be plugged in isn't. Anything that could go wrong goes through my mind and I have to make sure that it won't.
My fears that something will happen to Tristan are the worst. I wish we could afford one of those special monitors that monitor their breathing and have an alarm if they do not breathe for a certain amount of time. I think it would make me feel a lot better. Maybe I would sleep better. I don't know.
I just can't imagine anything happening to Tristan. Actually, let me rephrase that, I can imagine it and it is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me. It terrifies me. Tristan is my world and I don't know how I could survive if anything ever happened to him.
Ugh, I hate this feeling. I hate thinking about it. But it is always there in my mind. I don't know how to find some peace.
I just needed somewhere to post this little rant. I know I kind of babbled on, but I needed to get it out.
Anyway, it is getting late here and I really should at least try to settle and get some sleep.
Goodnight world.
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