Drowning in a stormy ocean. A wave knocks you down, tosses you about, batters you against rocks and reefs. You struggle for air, fight your way back to the surface, and just as you are about to break free and take that first gulp of fresh air, another wave crashes over you sweeping you up with the current once again. Then another, and another come in an endless torrent.
That is the only way to describe what my body has gone through these last few weeks. First it was the general discomforts of pregnancy - aches and pains, insomnia, etc - then I found out I had a respiratory infection and sinusitis. I hadn't even recovered fully from that when I went in to labour and had to deal with the after pains from that. Two days later, I got a terrible rash from head to toe that still has not disappeared completely. Finally, just the other day I discovered that I have a urinary tract infection that I wasn't even aware of. I have been in and out of the ER about three times since having Tristan, to the walk-in clinic once, and to my family doctor once. I have been on a slew of medications including antibiotics, steroids and several over the counter and home remedies.
It has been rough. Especially this rash. Until a day or two ago, it was so bad that I couldn't even hold Tristan for more than a few moments. His body heat made my rash burn and itch so terribly. I was in agony. Nights were the worst. Every night I was up sobbing and begging somebody, anybody, to make it stop. Nothing helped. The antihistamines have had no effect and creams and such are only very temporary forms of relief. It has been hell. Not only on me, but on the whole family.
Erik has been a godsend through this entire ordeal. He was amazing and patient and calm and loving through it all. He comforted me every night when I woke up sobbing and writhing and panicked. He remained calm even when I was completely irrational. He coaxed me to take cold showers, then patted me dry and rubbed lotions and gels over every inch of my body. He brought me ice packs and made sure I took my medication exactly when I was supposed to. He held my hands away when I began to scratch. And even as he did all this, he was also taking care of a newborn. For a few days there, he did all of the feeding, changing, etc. He woke up in the middle of the night (if he wasn't already up dealing with me) and took care of Tristan so that I could rest. I don't know what I would have done without him.
Everything he has done for me this past week has made me fall in love with him a hundred times over again. I couldn't have asked for a better, more loving, and patient husband. I have no idea how I will thank him for being there for me when I needed him the most.
But things are finally looking better. My legs still itch like mad, and sometimes it gets so bad that I start to have an anxiety attack. At least I am able to hold Tristan now and in a few more days when I am finished my antibiotics for the UTI (and hopefully the rash will be gone as well) I will be able to start breastfeeding again. That has been the hardest part of this whole thing. Not being able to enjoy and be there for my son. It was incredibly painful to sit back and watch while Erik did all of the work, all of the bonding. As I said, though, things are finally starting to get better and I can finally enjoy Tristan and being a mother.
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